禁漫天堂

Hello, for respect to your privacity I will refer just the legal options: In all legal system there is an old reliable doctrine for divorce: The State cannot obligate any couple to live together which is the pilar of the matrimony. Therefore, oppositions to terminate the marriage are irrelevant.

The most to do is ask the Judge for a marital therapy at the moment of the mandatory mediation stage. The Therapist would determinate if there is any solution or not. However, it's just a mediation, no obligations.聽 In addition the TRC is up to the sponsor, who cannot be forced to renew it.

Hence, if there is not any property to devide,聽 do not spend much money in attorneys

This situation is entirely my fault. I was the one who broke promises, etc. Disregarded her and was lazy. Didn鈥檛 want to work and would just sit in front of the building every night drinking large amounts of alcohol. Which made me look bad in front of her and the neighbours and was often mentioned to her.
I did not treat her with the respect or kindness, at times, which she deserved.

I鈥檓 back in the U.K. now awaiting a surgical operation, but I want to return soon to try and save our marriage.

I have sent her messages to admit that I was wrong and wish to try to be better and to send her money to support her and my step son. But, she just fired back her anger that she has gained nothing from the marriage, and also refuses financial help. Now, she is ignoring me.

I really need to talk to her face to face and as I have a TRC for a spouse, I am registered to stay with her at her address. Which she may not be too keen on. She may just explode at me. It鈥檚 a gamble.

I want to oppose the divorce, and think I would need to get a lawyer there, too. Around how much is that likely to cost?

Maybe, I should just give her time and space to cool down as she tends to be very emotional.

The same happened when I returned to the U.K. last year after delivering nothing, but I managed to convince her to stay with me.

Will I never learn?

Sorry for the rant and any advice would be much appreciated. - @Earlyant

If yourPost is only about avoiding divorce, listen to the good advice by @ajairon

If you're true intention is about making amends with your wife (and her family) then you've got a ton of work to do and I hesitate giving you my opinion as to what's necessary, since it will probably appear to be quite critical.

If you're open to hearing my best advice--My opinion--I will do my best to be as respectful as possible in reply

@Earlyant

You might want to take a look through the Vietnamese Family Law Act.

In the first post of that thread you'll find a link to the act. There, do a search for the word "foreign".

Good luck.

I don't know about the specifics in Vietnam, but as a general rule, if one party wants a divorce there's nothing the other party can do to prevent it.

I don't know about the specifics in Vietnam, but as a general rule, if one party wants a divorce there's nothing the other party can do to prevent it. - @Malcolmleitrim

Same in VN, since 2014 (if I recall).

@OceanBeach92107

Thank you very much and any advice would be much appreciated.

I am at a loss about the best thing to do at the moment.

Because of me shattering her dreams, she is completely ignoring my messages or my attempts at reconciliation.聽 She is no fool. She did mention that she gave me another chance last year. Why have I been so complacent?

Maybe, she just needs more time and space for her emotions to settle.

I am giving serious thoughts to cancelling the operation and returning soon, because I genuinely want to try and save our message. But, that has many pitfalls and could just make things worse.

Insisting on having to stay at the same address as her due to TRC being registered to that address, and insinuating that she could get in trouble with the police if I don鈥檛, which I think is right, would probably result in her exploding.

Geez, I鈥檓 an idiot. Never appreciate what I have until I鈥檝e lost it.

@Aidan in HCMC

Sincere thanks, I will take a look at that information.

@OceanBeach92107
Thank you very much and any advice would be much appreciated.

I am at a loss about the best thing to do at the moment.

- @Earlyant

Please keep in mind I'm only responding to what you wrote and drawing on my minimal experience in counseling as a psych nurse AND my own personal experiences.

Number one and most important: You've got to stop drinking.

I don't mean slow down your drinking or drink less or stop getting drunk.

I mean stop drinking totally.

You can do it through a program like a 12-step or you can do it yourself cold turkey.

But you will never regain the ability to totally commit yourself to this marriage if you are not sober.

Perhaps even more important than that, you really can't come to a clear-headed decision about what you want to do if you aren't sober.

Alcohol is a depressant and brings on terrible melancholy, with people under the influence to that extent making decisions that they never seriously intend to keep.

Let's give you the benefit of the doubt and suppose that there was a time that you were clear-headed when you went into this relationship and you were honestly and sincerely committed to making it work.

But things changed along the way and for whatever reason, you begin to be either drunk or hungover the majority of the time.

I'm only basing this on what you've said and also some very common behavior in foreigners who come here to get married for selfish reasons and then have trouble sticking with the responsibilities of marriage.

There's a whole lot more I could say but, please believe I'm trying to be sincere and helpful here and telling you that if you don't approach this with a sober mindset, then you aren't going to accomplish the goals you set, and the goals you set will almost certainly be unrealistic.

I hope that sounds like a promising plan to you, because I personally can't envision you making any progress with your wife until you accomplish that.

I sincerely hope for the very best for you 馃檹

O.B.

There is no problem in the world that drinking doesn't make worse!

There is no problem in the world that drinking doesn't make worse! - @Malcolmleitrim

Well, technically and literally speaking, alcohol is a solution.

There is no problem in the world that drinking doesn't make worse! - @Malcolmleitrim

Well, technically and literally speaking, alcohol is a solution. - @Aidan in HCMC

A flammable solution at that!

@OceanBeach92107

Yes, I need to quit the booze.

Not only for the relationship and to get her respect back, but also my health.

Sound advice, thank you.

The wife sent a message the other day asking for money for living expenses which I promptly sent her.

Repeated about trying to start again and that it was my fault and I would change. And, asked about step son.

She didn鈥檛 answer and closed the 鈥榮ilent treatment鈥� curtain again. I mean, what the hell???

The only way that she will know I am changing is to be over there with her so she can see it.

Words from the other side of the world won鈥檛 be enough.

Still waiting for the operation date so that muddies the water.

Thanks again for all the help, guys.

The wife sent a message the other day asking for money for living expenses which I promptly sent her.
Repeated about trying to start again and that it was my fault and I would change. And, asked about step son.

She didn鈥檛 answer and closed the 鈥榮ilent treatment鈥� curtain again. I mean, what the hell???

The only way that she will know I am changing is to be over there with her so she can see it.

Words from the other side of the world won鈥檛 be enough.

Still waiting for the operation date so that muddies the water.

Thanks again for all the help, guys. - @Earlyant

You posted this immediately after you posted that you need to quit the booze.

Which implies that you haven't done so yet.

I know this sounds insensitive, but you really need to man up.

You need to absolutely follow all of your obligations as a husband and parent without even a hint of a need for any positive feedback from her.

If it's your obligation to your family, then your family doesn't owe you any special kudos.

Dry up and stay dry for at least 90 days and continue All of your obligations like a man.

Then at the end of 90 days maybe you can reach out to her for more than just the opportunity to provide the obligations that you already have.

I think we all would like to be helpful, but you absolutely have to do your part first

I鈥檓 off the booze now. Switched to Ginger Ale.

Concentrating on my guitar playing takes my mind off it, as well as playing old RTS games on PC.

Still thinking of returning back soon so that we can at least discuss things face to face.

This wall of silence is driving me nuts.