禁漫天堂

What do you mean by "one day dramas"? How young? Whats the age gap? How is your Spanish? How much time have you really spent with her and her family/friends in her culture/environment? Where and when/how did you meet?

Simply put long distance relationships do not work, not anywhere anymore in this generation, it is done and gone with and this is especially so here in Colombia.

Don't be fooled by all the bull sh*t that you see and hear on Youtube, Facebook and social media.

Speaking from my own experience, this being traveling throughout Colombia since November 1990 (35 YEARS!), now having lived in/outside Medellin for almost 15 years, constant travel/road trips to every city, island, region, municipality, pueblo and attraction in Colombia, having had gf's in Cali/Medellin/Bogota/Quibdo/, was married 5 years to a Paisa which ended in 2017, have seen the "good, the bad and the ugly" not only my own experience but friends too..............have come to really understand the culture (large part because of my improved Spanish over the decades) in some ways that rival local Colombians themselves.

Only you can answer your question honestly and confidently. Trust your instincts/what you are feeling.

I could write a book of what I have experienced, seen play out and continue to see almost daily. Some insight that I would give will make most men shutter in fear, it's raw and real.

In summary "you don't know what you don't know", there is a good reason why I am single and will remain such for many reasons.

I am sure others will opine their experiences so for the moment I stand down.

Godspeed!

How young?聽 How big is the age difference? As a general rule the larger the age difference, the more probable it is that you will both have problems.聽 Not always, but...

One thing to keep in mind - for most Colombians, when you marry the woman, you are also marrying the family.聽 Not always, but often the family will take precedence or an equal position as has the husband.

If you want to get along with the wife you will also have to get along with the family.

Are you going to live with her in Colombia, or will she emigrate to your home country?聽 You both should have a plan in either case, of getting citizenship, of vacations, how to share life back and forth between two countries and each others' families.

There are no hard and fast rules but if your level of Spanish or her level of English (or whatever your native language is) is fairly good, you will have a better chance of making it work and understanding a new culture and new and different viewpoints.

You must both enter into the relationship with both eyes open, using your minds at least as much as following your hearts or whatever other body parts may be involved...

If you're asking on an internet forum, then you probably shouldn't get married.

If you're asking on an internet forum, then you probably shouldn't get married. - @mtbe

lol...

I gotta 100% echo what @South American Voyager said... and I've only been here less than 3 years! I've never been married to a Colombiana, but if I ever get married again, it likely will NOT be to a Colombiana. Not unless the circumstances were EXTREMELY secure and safe for me. my peace, and livelihood.

3 years is enough to see what I need to know. I am SO glad I didn't marry anyone, nor pull the trigger on buying a $52K property here in Barranquilla. I'd hate to be committed/tied to this country in that way. Not after learning everything I have learned about it by living here.

Anyway... yeah, forget about long-distance relationships ANYWHERE on Earth, they just don't work. Especially not in Colombia... you could literally be living in the same city/town as your "novia", and she'll STILL be cheating on you with her "barrio boyfriend" (or any number of other foreigners). Colombian culture does NOT support honesty, loyalty, or genuine kindness AT ALL. In fact, it actively PUNISHES these qualities/behaviors!

And it goes without saying (I hope!) - Do NOT send money to any "chica" overseas, that's just flushing money away (unless that's your intent, in which case, knock yourself out).

However... DO enjoy the "fun times" with whatever chica you find, with zero expectations of anything lasting beyond that day/night or - best case scenario - that week. This is the culture, it is what it is 馃し馃従鈥嶁檪锔� Welcome to Colombia!

If you're asking on an internet forum, then you probably shouldn't get married. - @mtbe

hahahah!聽 C'mon, man... be nice 馃槄 At least offer some nugget of wisdom to the guy... "Be a bro and SAVE a bro".

If you're asking on an internet forum, then you probably shouldn't get married. - @mtbehahahah! C'mon, man... be nice 馃槄 At least offer some nugget of wisdom to the guy... "Be a bro and SAVE a bro". - @ChineduOpara

That is about as good a piece of advice as could be offered to someone asking this question!

Okay....I'll be a bit more detailed.聽 It's always an ego boost when a pretty young thing pays interest to you, when those of the same age in your country won't give you a second look.

1)聽 If you are worried or concerned now about her family, then trust your gut.聽 Her family will always come first.

2)聽 You will look like a piggy bank to your new family.聽 They will ask for 'loans' of small amounts that will never get paid back.聽 There will always be some reason why they can't pay you back.聽 Or, they will want you to 'invest' in an opportunity for one of them to open a business or send them to school to learn something.聽 Those might actually be a good thing...you have to decide.聽 Early on in my relationship, I put my foot down.聽 Now, one of her brothers won't talk to us.聽 I'm fine with that.聽 She frets over it.

3)聽 If you are not familiar with Colombian culture, family comes first.聽 Lies come second.聽 They may be little white lies (Oh...I'm driving in the center, will be right there...when if fact, they haven't even left the driveway yet), to "my laptop broke and I need a new one", or my brother is in trouble with the mafia cause he took a loan and they are threatening my mother (which could be true, but still...)

4)聽 families are loud when they get together.聽 When my extended family get together, I usually stick around for 30 minutes, then have to leave...it's just too loud for me...too much commotion.

5) age difference is not a huge deal in Colombia.聽 Many young women grew up without fathers, so look for that father figure in their life.聽 It's not uncommon.聽 Just make sure you have something in common with the woman other than a bank account.

Been married over 20 years with my Colombiana, so it can work.聽 She's older than me...and ugly.聽

@mtbe

That final line you wrote supports every Male Foreigner + Colombiana married couple I have ever seen in Colombia in my 3 years living here. The woman is always obese, too skinny, or basically unattractive in some way (at least when we're talking about "conventionally attractive"). The Colombianas who have even an ATOM of conventional attractiveness, are toxic (mental illness, unresolved trauma, chronic dishonesty for no damn reason, etc), are doing sex work in some way shape or form, and are basically deathly allergic to commitment of any sort.

That being said, looks are only 1 aspect of a committed relationship, and it sounds to me like you DID find love. Congrats, and may the universe continue to bless you and your family.

Everything else you listed is 100% facts as well. It's like you read my friggin' mind...

If you are seeing red flags now鈥�walk away.

@mtbe

" shes older than me..and ugly"

Nice guy馃槢

Marry a Bolivian Cholita.

They can pack 50 pounds on their back up a mountain..

And they cook good as well

Marry a Bolivian Cholita.They can pack 50 pounds on their back up a mountain.. - @nico peligro

Yeah, but while doing that, can they nimbly and skillfully avoid highland predators like Pumas and Andean Condors?

馃槄

@mtbe
" shes older than me..and ugly"
Nice guy馃槢 - @nico peligro

It's supposed to be humorous.聽 I'm no Brad Pitt, that's for sure...聽

@mtbe

I look like Brad Pitts grandfather

@nico peligro

馃槈

@nico peligro

I look like Brad Pitt's grandpa's scrotum after an especially bad sunburn 馃槀

@ChineduOpara

You guys are funny 馃榿

@European_chap

This is hilarious.聽 If you are more than 10 years older, she may not be in the relationship with good intentions; you will not know until it's too late.聽 Families use the younger girls to trap an outsider.聽 This happened to my father twice.聽 Now he has lost all of his children's support and is in with a crazy woman and her family. The last time I saw him, all his teeth had been broken.聽 I suspect the crazy woman punched the hell out of him.聽 He refused to leave. Sher and her family have him for good now.聽 I think that they think he has money.聽 He had what his children helped him with.聽 Now all he has is a small retirement, but the woman he chose is so poor that they probably think it is enough.聽 聽I do not know what they plan to do when he dies to continue getting his retirement.聽 They took him to the embassy and had him sign a check to be deposited into the woman's sister's account.聽 That is all I can tell you.

The feeling of fear is there to warn you of something.聽 Use it wisely.

@European_chap This is hilarious. If you are more than 10 years older, she may not be in the relationship with good intentions; you will not know until it's too late. Families use the younger girls to trap an outsider. This happened to my father twice. Now he has lost all of his children's support and is in with a crazy woman and her family. The last time I saw him, all his teeth had been broken. I suspect the crazy woman punched the hell out of him. He refused to leave. Sher and her family have him for good now. I think that they think he has money. He had what his children helped him with. Now all he has is a small retirement, but the woman he chose is so poor that they probably think it is enough. I do not know what they plan to do when he dies to continue getting his retirement. They took him to the embassy and had him sign a check to be deposited into the woman's sister's account. That is all I can tell you.The feeling of fear is there to warn you of something. Use it wisely. - @Medellin_bound

Correction: "If you are a foreigner and the Colombiana is in any way shape or form attractive AT ALL... she's not in the relationship with good intentions."

Also: dude HOLY SH!T 馃槻 How in the world did your dad end up in that situation... TWICE??? His loneliness and isolation must have been super-strong for him to let himself fall into this situation. I have full empathy for him (been there, done that, still going through it actually)... though personally I'd rather go back to the dUSA and self-terminate (by my own hands or by those of eager, willing cops) than let myself fall into that type of situation. He's basically a prisoner (it sounds like)... AND he's being physically ABUSED? Bro... how can you stand back and let them treat him like that? Isn't there anything you can do??

@ChineduOpara

He refused to leave.聽 The authorities will not do anything in the small town where he is.聽 The woman is in charge of collecting the payments for the water system for the village (not a paid job).聽 She is being trusted because she lives with the "gringo".聽 Last time I tried to get him out, I was threatened by her family member.聽 He is now 87, and she is in her 50s now. He has been doing this with this family for a long time now; the other one lasted 6 years.聽 I believe he is a prisoner. How do I prove it? Should I expose myself again to try to help him? how? (As far as I know, he might be being medicated by those people) If I try to take him away, then I would be the one in trouble.聽 I deducted that he is in this situation twice, because he also likes to take advantage of people, and though he was getting himself servants of some type, and the first one was not as smart as the present one, or maybe smarter I do not know,聽 but the present one is a cousin of the first one.聽 At least that is what I think is going on there.聽 He moved to S.A. when he turned 65.聽 He found himself in a group smarter than him.聽 I no longer feel for him; this is the life he made for himself. Most men mess their lives up because of sex.聽 One finds a lot about a person when one volunteers to help them.聽 I don't need to put myself in any more danger on his behalf.聽 I have meditated through this many times over.

@Medellin_bound

well, this is definitely an extreme case

my GF is Venezuelan, no beauty and throws things around occaisionally.

Its true, I treat her really, really good financially, and I learned to hold my acid sarcastic toungue and temper, and she treats me nice聽 now and we have an OK relationship now.

Shes 36, no really young, but then I am 69. But not your normal 69, a mountaineer and rock climber.

I am pretty sedentry know, as I sprined my ankle ahfter falling 4 Metres and hittin the deck. But its coming along.

I am in Bolivia. My GF comes here tommorow and we will do tourist stuff together.

We live togetherin Manizales

Still, expect a Tele Novela with these women. Venecos same as Colombianas

@Medellin_bound

It sounds like you have done your best, man. Good for you. My brothers and I had a similar (but not so severe) situation with our old blind dad in Nigeria.

Our main issue was that she (the caretaker we hired/found) was mismanaging/embezzling some of the funds we sent back to Nigeria for our dad's upkeep. But at least he was never abused, and there was no language/cultural barrier or anything (they both spoke Igbo and some English)... he was right there in his/our family house, and the woman/caretaker was a living there ~25 days out of the month. Even though we had to fire and replace that caretaker, she eventually came back under a different set of rules/agreement/contract, and things were much better for the final few years of my dad's life. Even when the caretaker would go back to her village to visit her family, he would speak fondly of her and eagerly await her return.

She stayed with him - alongside our junior sister - until his last day. He was quite physically active and jovial until he passed "suddenly" after less than 48 hours of flu symptoms and digestive symptoms. He made it to 96, so he definitely served his time on Earth, and he served it well.

Anyway, enough of my rambling.

Obviously, I don't know you nor him, yet your story of your elderly dad's willing semi-imprisonment really moved me unexpectedly this afternoon 馃槥 I certainly hope he finds clarity of mind, somehow cuts through the mental fog, and becomes more assertive in order to improve his situation (if he wants to). Like you indicated, at the end of the day, it's his decision, and you did your best as a son.

@nico peligro

Bro, the general understanding is that, if your Latin American g/f or wife isn't living with you under the same roof, AND you don't have access to her phone and social media in order to know and understand her relationship with the other straight men in her life... there is an extremely high chance that she's in fact NOT your woman, she's just playing the part with you, while maintaining other boyfriends or even a husband somewhere else. It's all part of the "Malicia ind铆gena" aspect of the culture.

What's your take on this general understanding?

@European_chap

Hey Captain ,consider it like golf ..You love it and you play it everyday but some days your in the woods others days fighting alligators for your ball..At the end of 18 rounds you go back to your life. Just do not sacrifice yourself and your life for her.You will never be a part of the family as you will always be that GRINGO. I think I just wrote this letter to myself lol.

@ChineduOpara

Ha we are聽 under聽 the same roof..have been for 5聽 years now when I am not聽 travelling by myself and she is in Venezuela

I am.not the main man in her life.

Its her son聽 but I dont want to get into that..thats another story.

Already said too much.

I have been visiting Colombia 20 years, and living here 13.

I dont go snooping her phone and social media, which聽 would be dead easy.聽 If you are聽 that paranoid and insecure聽 why be in any relationship? Might as well get聽 hookers,s聽 or amigas con derechas.

I gave up the聽 paranoia聽 聽insecurity and negativism a long聽 聽time ago.

It is what it is. If a woman is cheating on you, you find聽 out聽 really quickly, cuz the other guy is usually jeaoulous, will phone you and threaten you and maybe beat the giirl up. You dont have聽 to聽 go聽 snooping around like a paranoid insecure聽 neurotic.

It happens in front of your eyes, and its all for the best聽 because聽 聽its the woman who loses big time and you gain

@nico peligro

What you call "paranoid and insecure", others - including myself - would call "having eyes open" (AKA "not being naive to the realities of this culture")聽 馃槅

Of course no one comes out of the womb being "paranoid". I'm actually a trusting person (almost to a fault)... or rather, I WAS a trusting person... until my first few experiences with Colombian people (both men AND women). I am sure if I came on here I posted sob stories about how I was swindled out of money or cheated on by Colombians to whom I was showing basic human kindness and trying to develop genuine friendships... people would say, "Well, you should have known, buddy! This culture does NOT do loyalty nor honesty!"

So which is it? Should we foreigners be naive and keep "dar'ing papaya", or should we be "paranoid and insecure" (your words, which in reality means "smart and savvy about this culture")?