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Hello Tania,

First of all if a person feels that they need the approval of family or friends then maybe they should re-think the idea of being an expat in the first place. It isn't easy to leave everything behind you, but once you put everything in the balance, future opportunities, career advancement, learning experiences, etc., if the net result is advantageous to you then you move. One should not give up those opportunities and benefits simply because a member of their family or a friend doesn't agree with the decision and certainly if one is that dependent on others in their decision making then they'd probably not do well as an expat anyhow.

1. List the advantages of the move to you (financial, career, social, cultural) and be prepared to highlight those when you tell your family and friends.

2. Make a list of the possible disadvantages, try and find a way to minimize each of them and be prepared to point them out when you get negative feedback from family and friends.

3.  Moving means doing your homework, you have to know as much information about your host country as possible, nothing should come as a surprise. Tap into every source of information possible. Learn about the local customs and culture, language, bureaucracy, laws and crime rates, etc., that way you will be better prepared to succeed. Your level of preparedness also shows those around you that you're firm in your resolve, organized, prepared and more likely will reduce their possible objections.

4. Make a long-term plan, detail exactly what you hope to achieve and a timetable of when you expect to achieve those goals. This (if realistic) can also help convince your family and friends that you know exactly what you're doing and have things under control.

5. Finally you have to resolve yourself to the fact that no matter what you say or do, you're not going to please everybody. In the end it must be absolutely clear to you and to everyone else that you're going to do what is best for you and what makes sense. There's always going to be somebody who will think it's a crazy idea and won't agree. You have to be prepared for that and ready to do it, no matter what that person thinks. Like they say, if you can't handle the heat then stay out of the kitchen. If you're going to be so dependent on the thoughts and wishes of others then STAY HOME.

  Cheers, 
  William James Woodward – Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

Hi William,

Great response. It's not about seeking approval necessarily, but sharing the news in a way that you feel comfortable and can engage your loved ones to be cheerleaders for you ( cause its ALWAYS easier when you have support from loved ones but not having it shouldn't be a deal breaker).

My link didn't post earlier so here are the tips I recommend:


1.  Let them in on your plan

The surprise that you are jumping on a plane tomorrow and potentially never coming back can shock the heck out of parents! One way to turn your family and friends into supportive cheerleaders is to let them in on your master plan. Tell them what your intentions are, what you are hoping to get out of this adventure and why its so important to you. Be transparent on the timelines of when you are leaving and for how long you might be away. Start a conversation with them about it instead of blurting the news then boarding the plane.



2. Focus on the benefits

“But where will you live?” How will you find a job? What if you get sick?” These are common questions that may flood the minds and mouths of your parents.  Your family and friends care about you and take comfort in knowing that you will be happy and fulfilled wherever you are in the world. So tell them! List a few benefits that you anticipate getting out of this experience. Perhaps its the personal growth of giving back to less fortunate people across the world via your volunteer work or the chance to work with people of different cultures in your new job abroad or the chance to learn and practice a new language. What benefits do you want out of this experience? Taking the time to dream them up yourself is important and sharing them with those closest to you will ignite the cheerleader in them



3. Pick your technology tool of choice

Skype, Googlehangout, email, telephone, chat, textsÂ….there are literally hundreds of technology platforms that support you in creating communication links with family and friends back home. Which will you pick as your go-to tech? Once you narrow it down to your top two, be sure your family and friends have the same technology and are familiar with using it. An upfront 15 min Skype tutorial with grandma can go a long way in maintaining your relationship while you are abroad.  So, pick the technology, educate/tutor family and friends then connect and use.  (ItÂ’s less scary for your best friend when she knows she can see your face on Skype twice a month.)



4. Showcase and invite

What are you most excited to see and do in your new host country? Share your top 5 list with family and friends. Tell them about all the incredible things your new host country has to offer- you may even get them excited enough to jump on a plane after you for a visit. Showcase all the research that went into your decision to do this. Your preparedness can give your family and friends piece of mind and help them confidently back you and your decision. Invite them for a visit (if and when it works for you). Offering the chance to bring them into your adventure creates anticipation and excitement in your journey.



5. Choose your environment

Where you tell them the news is entirely up to you. Why not have fun with it? If you are planning to move to thailand to do volunteer work, why not invite them to a thai dinner and make it a themed night?  If you are planning to go study abroad, bring along brochures, photos and your acceptance letter to have them get a real sense of excitement for your next phase. YOU have control over the way and where you tell them so design it exactly as you like. How you set up the moment will not give you control over how they react but it certainly will infuse you with the confidence and excitement of sharing your big news.

Truthbomb:

Not ALL your family and friends may be thrilled to hear your news. There are a variety of emotions that could come into play: jealousy that they canÂ’t do the same, anger that you are picking up and leaving suddenly, sadness at the thought of you not being around the corner anymore. Remember, you own your feelings, not those of family and friends around you. While you can take actions to make this transition easier for them, inevitably this is still your adventure.

There is a reason you are doing what you are doing. There is something burning inside of you, propelling you towards this adventure and experience of a lifetime.

Remember that.

Feel that.

Let that guide you in taking the courageous steps of boarding the plane headed for an incredible journey.

I told my lot.
I said, I'm off to live in Indonesia because I got married to a girl out there and she's preggers.

First time I've seen my dad spill his coffee.

Wouldn't they already know long before you left?

I told my parents I was off to travel the world and then found work in Jakarta. I have yet to tell them I am not coming back but I think that they have work it out now.

I said, "Hong Kong?  Isn't that a movie about a giant ape?"

Tell them gently,then cry later ..with them off course